Bury me with my mobile.

When I die I’d like to be buried with my mobile phone. This is because I fear being mis-diagnosed as dead. Accuse me of being irrational if you like, but ever since reading ‘The Romeo Error’ as a young man I’ve been aware that death frequently is mis-diagnosed even today. The many coffins that have been dug up over the years with scratch marks on the inside is testimony to this as is the number of people still alive who claim to have been diagnosed at some point as ‘clinically dead’. The victorians apparently sometimes guarded against the problem by attaching bells to caskets so that if a person woke up they could ring the bell for help. Surely wanting a mobile phone is merely a hi tech variant on that.
I had thought however that my desire was uniquely eccentric in the modern age and so was disappointed to discover today that it is the number 2 most common funereal wish (the commonest being to have your ashes mixed with those of a pet!). It only works for burials though. Undertakers arent allowed to cremate mobile phones because they explode in fire – so sometimes they follow through requests by slipping them into the ashes later (I kid you not – and one can only imagine the scene at the compost heap/boat trip/country walk when the dust covered phone is revealed amongst the ash to unsuspecting relatives…). Apparently also it is not uncommon for people to phone up coffin mobiles and leave farewell messages. Ringtones have been heard from within the coffin during funerals or even as the coffin is covered in soil. One wife continued to pay for her husband’s mobile long after he was dead and its battery had run flat so that she could continue leaving messages on his voicemail…
Is this all another brand of death denial? It’s hard to tell. But if I am brought round in my coffin by the jolly jingles of my mobile I wouldnt mind betting it will be someone conducting a free survey on loft insulation.


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