Today’s gravestone humour, Epitaph musings 5

Jokes relating to a person’s life or death and how they have been perceived.

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.

Margaret Daniels. She always said her feet were killing her. But no one believed her.

Bette Davis. “She did it the hard way”

Here lies the body of Emily White,
She signalled left, and then turned right.

First a Cough
Carried Me Off
Then a Coffin
They Carried Me Off In

Jonathan Grober
Died dead sober.
Lord thy wonders never cease.

Here lies a man named Zeke.
Second fastest draw in Cripple Creek.

(On the grave of a woman who died in Colorado springs):
I would rather be here than in Texas.

She lived with her husband for 50 years
And died in the confident hope of a better life.

Grieve not for me my husband dear.
I am not dead but sleeping here.
With patience wait – perforce to die
And in a short time you’ll come to I.
(And the husband added):
I am not grieved, my dearest life.
Sleep on, I’ve got another wife.
Therefore, I cannot come to thee
For I must go and live with she.

Erected to the memory of
John Macfarlane
Drowned in the Waters of Leith
By a few affectionate friends.

Here beneath this stone we lie
Back to back my wife and I
And when the angels trump shall trill
If she gets up then I’ll lie still!

This stone was raised by Sara’s Lord
Not Sara’s virtues to record
For they are known to all the town.
This stone was raised to keep her down.

This is the grave of Mike O’Day
Who died maintaining his right of way.
His right was clear, his will was strong.
But he’s just as dead as if he’d been wrong.

Here lies Dr Keene, the good Bishop of Chester,
Who eat up a fat goose, but could not digest her.

Unknown Vicar (18th Century)
He was literally a father to all the children of the parish.

And my favourite:
Here lies the body of Ephraim Wise.
Safely tucked between his two wives.
One was Tillie and the other Sue.
Both were faithful, loyal, and true.
By his request in ground that’s hilly
His coffin is set tilted toward Tillie.

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